Unanswerable Questions Answered

This question came in the other day from a Moreen Spitz who lives in Tampa Bay:-

“Hey Trenton, I’ve got a question for you! How long is a piece of string?”

I’ve asked Mrs Spitz to send me the piece of string in question so that I can measure it; as soon as it arrives I’ll let you know the outcome.

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This question came in on August 16, 2013 at 5:08 am from behindthemaskofabuse who lives:-

“Hey Trenton, do you know anyone who owns a snake?”

My answer:-

“Yes…yes I do; I know a man called Eddie Pratt (true story), he has snakes and bearded lizards; and I know behindthemaskofabuse who owns a snake…and not a small one.”

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This question came in on August 23, 2013 at 4:00 am from Linda Vernon who lives in the Bay Area:-

“This is a question I always ask: If you have seven oranges and you multiply them by zero you get zero oranges. Where did all the oranges go?”

My answer:-

You always ask that question? You must be an awesome party guest! In answer to your question…I ate three, I like oranges so thank you very much; one went to the tax man because they’d take the steam off a rotting corpse; one is travelling the universe looking for a word it rhymes with; one slid into an existential quandary after contemplating itself in relation to the colour bearing the same name; and one disappeared into a non-euclidean geometric plane once it ceased to become a theoretical question and was considered in a practical manner in three dimensional space.

56 Comments Add yours

  1. So have you got the string yet? Hey Trenton, do you know anyone who owns a snake?

    1. No I have not; there appears to be a problem with it coming through customs…no-one is able to answer the question as to its length, and without this box completed the form cannot be processed…herein lies the crux.

      1. well hmmm…that does sound like a world crisis

        1. Are you mocking me young lady?

        2. moi? (thanks for calling me young btw)

    2. And yes…yes I do know someone who owns a snake…not quite the most Zen-like question I was hoping to answer but I like your style.

      1. ha, well who do you know?

        1. I know a man called Eddie Pratt (true story), he has snakes and bearded lizards…do you know someone who owns a snake?

        2. I mean I own a snake and not a small one

  2. Linda Vernon says:

    The section has winner written all over it. Now I’m going to have to think of a question. Let’s see: This is a question I always ask: If you have seven oranges and you multiply them by zero you get zero oranges. Where did all the oranges go?

    1. You always ask that question? You must be an awesome party guest! In answer to your question…I ate three, I like oranges so thank you very much; one went to the tax man because they’d take the steam off a rotting corpse; one is travelling the universe looking for a word it rhymes with; one slid into an existential quandary after contemplating itself in relation to the colour bearing the same name; and one disappeared into a non-euclidean geometric plane once it ceased to become a theoretical question and was considered in a practical manner in three dimensional space.
      I hope this helps, and please see above to view your question and answer in all their glory!

      1. Linda Vernon says:

        Hahahaha! The best answer I’ve gotten so far Trenton!! (I don’t know what a non-euclidean geometric plane is, but that’s what I’m asking for for Christmas!) Thank you so much. I guess I’ll go drink some banana juice now since I don’t expect my oranges home form the non-euclidean geometric plan any time soon. sigh . . . .

        1. You’re welcome; if it wasn’t the best answer you’ve ever gotten then I would have failed, and I would have cried orange juice.
          And thank you for getting involved! I will give you all the oranges in Florida if you give me a suggestion of a post for one of my Tom Cruise lookalikes to read…have you read a lot of Arthur’s stuff? do you have a favourite? I don’t plan on going away!

        2. Linda Vernon says:

          I’ll put my brain, Peanuts, to work on it Trenton! 😀 Look through my stuff and see if there’s anything you would like to read of mine if you’re so inclined! 😀

        3. I will definitely do that if you’re up for me invading a post one day!

        4. Linda Vernon says:

          Sounds good to me Trenton! 😀

        5. Please, call me Trenton…oh…you did…excellent!

        6. Linda Vernon says:

          I like your name. It’s fun to say. Trenton Babbage is even better. 😀

        7. Why thank you; I would have chosen Benedict Cumberbatch but it was already taken.

        8. Linda Vernon says:

          I hate when that happens.

        9. I jest of course…Benedict wanted my name.

  3. Why does none of this conversation seem to be about me in any way, shape or form??? Who gave permission for that?

    1. You are already an answerable question…the answer is you.

  4. Savage cabbage babbage, can you send us a few more spoken work blooper thingy’s we have the one from you but we will need more as it’s so short?!

  5. Trenton what’s a “Zen like” question of which you speak?

    1. What is the sound of one hand clapping? If a tree falls in the woods and no-one’s there to hear it &c. I believe the technical term is kōan.

        1. Obviously I of course welcome snake related questions and those regarding missing oranges too.

        2. apparently, did you know my snake bit me

        3. I did not know this! Are you ok? What happened? Did you know that we have now have budgies?

        4. I’m fine it was a few weeks ago, my only issue is relearning not to be afraid of holding her, they are very gentle snakes so she was either really scared of something hurt her. she at present is 4.5 feet long and will grow to between 10-12 feet

        5. Blimey; what snake is it again? Best to get the bite out the way now I guess, and definitely get back to holding with confidence; is that going ok?

        6. Ha, going slowly. She’s a red tailed boa

          Oh and you said you have budgies??!! Cool!

        7. They are cool; sweet little things, and certainly making their voices heard in such a noisy household…a snake was just a step too far for the minute.

        8. Ha, can you hold them yet?

        9. One of them I can in certain situations; basically when the other one isn’t suggesting they fly off round the room whenever I come to get them! The other needs to be gently cornered and held, but we’ve only had them a week. The boys, especially the four year old, can get a little too friendly; he can get really close to them and then do something that freaks them out, so it’s just me getting them out with the two year old at the moment; he’s far more controllable!

        10. It is; one landed on my shoulder the first day! I was a pirate for all of ten minutes!

        11. that’s so cool did you have the eye patch and wooden leg too?

        12. I couldn’t get them without risking she fly off…so now I put the eye patch and wooden leg on BEFORE I open the cage!

        13. good plan me maietee

        14. It’s preserving me first mate!

  6. WilderSoul says:

    What can be bought and not sold?

  7. WilderSoul says:

    All right, all right, here is a proper unanswerable question:
    When we say “They say that blah blah blah,” who is the mysterious “They?”
    (The timer is running on this one… hehehe)

  8. I’d like to buy a vowel! (you asked)
    So, riddle me this: If you only wore flannel shirts, that match your socks; read spy novels because you’re a peeping Tom and can relate; or drink your Chai tea with your pinky curled up, fresh poo under the nail…….. would you pull your hair out before age 45 or shoot yourself in the throat before age 52?

    1. Neither; I would head over to yours and find a kindred spirit! And I can offer you 3 As and an O in return for a comment on my gun post…or £7.50…

      1. no.. silly, I wanted a “Y” cause no one ever picks him. And let me go check out your gun post…. then we’ll see if it’s comment worthy… 😛 ( I thought ya’ll just left the union… so what’s that worth, -$1.oo??)

        1. Firstly, Y is not a vowel in anyone’s language, but I do have a couple available if you have a thing about them…that’s the next post sorted; alphabet love… And yes we have just left the union, so make the most of the chance to acquire some sterling before we go to the back of Obama’s famous queue!

        2. well, deary, I hate to break it to ya, but here in the USA, we were taught from the time we peed our pants on to recite the vowels, and they were “AEIOU and SOMETIMES Y”…. obviously we are NOT speaking the Queen’s English…. but you missed the point… I wanted a Y because MINE is old and wrinkled!!! (eat at the Y???) I guess American humor doesn’t always get over there or you’ve been horribly sheltered… lol which I doubt from your lovely Gun piece! 🙂

        3. How can a Y sometimes be a vowel? And I must confess I’ve missed the Y reference…does it relate to a sexual practice?

        4. ie; style; lynch, ply, fly, … oh and Wyle Coyote!! lmao (not sure if I spelled that right, but it made me laugh) and nevermind on the reference… it zoomed right over your head!

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