Laters Leonard Cohen

Here’s something I wrote a long old time ago; seems a good moment to dust it off…

 

alternative lyrics to leonard cohen’s hallelujah
alopecia

i’ve heard there was a secret lotion
that david applied in a circular motion
but you don’t really care what he does, aleesha
it goes like this
the hooded pullover
the bottled cure, the major comb over
the baffled king covering up his alopecia

alopecia, alopecia
alopecia, alopecia

your faith was strong but your eyesight stronger
you couldn’t bear it any longer
the reflection in the moonlight was quite a feature
she tied me to a kitchen chair
she looked real hard, but she found no hair
and from my lips she drew the alopecia

alopecia, alopecia
alopecia, alopecia

baby i have been here before
i’ve wept and wailed upon this floor
when the doctor said that i should take propecia
the pills were swallowed without compunction
but i ended up with erectile dysfunction
it’s a cold, and it’s a floppy; alopecia

alopecia, alopecia
alopecia, alopecia

there was a time when you let me know
what’s really going on below
but now it’s up the top i need you, teacher
oh is it the gene sox-21
that’s made my hair as good as gone
or is it iron deficiency causing my alopecia

alopecia, alopecia
alopecia, alopecia

maybe there’s a god above
but all i’ve ever learned from love
is that it’ll take someone special to want this creature
oh why does my head have to shine so bright
oh why did i tie my ponytail so tight
i maybe could’ve avoided alopecia

alopecia, alopecia
alopecia, alopecia

you say the reason i’ve lost my mane
is due to the fact that i was so vain
but you liked me taking care of my appearance, aleesha
and now i rattle with finasteride
drip with rogaine, pop flutamide
i’d consider surgery for this alopecia

alopecia, alopecia
alopecia, alopecia

i stay at home, i don’t go out
the surgery failed, and so i doubt
there’s hope for me now; i’ve even tried a preacher
we prayed and sang, were thoroughly methodical
but nothing stirred, not even a follicle
i’m destined to spend eternity with alopecia

alopecia, alopecia
alopecia, alopecia
alopecia, alopecia
alopecia, alopecia
alopecia, alopecia
alopecia, alopecia
alopecia, alopecia
alopecia

 

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12 Comments Add yours

  1. Lucy Brazier says:

    This is the work of a crazy genius. I love it. Shame about Leonard, pretty soon we’re going to be left with absolutely no proper talent at all and just a bunch a plastic women with giant arses to entertain us.

    1. Thank you, though I wouldn’t mind the plastic women with giant arses if they wrote and sang like Leonard…or did some really good juggling; I like a good juggler…you don’t have to reply to this what with your mission and all!

      1. Lucy Brazier says:

        Oh yes juggling is a fine skill. I wouldn’t mind being a giant arsed juggler. Any excuse to skive from the mission, I assure you, dear chap.

        1. Naked trampoline juggling…it’s the future! Won’t you get told off if you don’t meet the deadline?!

        2. Lucy Brazier says:

          Yes I will, and also I won’t get paid, but I never miss a deadline. Fear not!

        3. I have tied my fear up and bundled it into the boot of my car ready to be buried alive in the woods. Where can we see these short stories?

        4. Lucy Brazier says:

          Some anthologies, I believe. No doubt I shall be shamelessly plugging them in due course. Probably whilst trampolining naked.

        5. I expect nothing less; both the shameless plugging and naked trampolining.

        6. Lucy Brazier says:

          A girl’s gotta do, what a girl’s gotta do. I can’t help it if I love it.

        7. I love you doing it too…a boy’s gotta do what a boy’s gotta do.

  2. Linda Vernon says:

    Oh My God! How I loved this! What a masterpiece! You, sir, are one in a million!

    1. And you, madam, are too kind! Did you sing out out loud though? For that is the rule…

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