We love getting letters, so why not write to us!?
Consumer Services Department
Walkers Snack Foods
FREEPOST LE4 918
I was really looking for an email address, but none could be found; makes sense; it’s much easier to toss off a drunken abusive email from the comfort of your own bed rather than write an actual letter, get an envelope, address it and post it. This immediately came across to me as an open challenge. So I cut 65 letters out of a Tesco magazine and hand-wrote the following piece:
Dear Walkers Consumer Services Department
Upon perusing your website I’ve discovered that you love getting letters; so in the spirit of spreading the love I’ve enclosed five dozen. I was planning to affix them to a sheet of paper, but I realised that this could be construed as a ransom note so thought better of it. I have no desire to demand anything from the Walkers corporation or their subsidiaries; ransom or otherwise. All I ask is that you enjoy the letters – I’m sure you will, since the internet does not lie – and that if you have the time, please reply to the above address with any sentences you’ve managed to make using said enclosed letters; there will be a prize for the best one.
P.S. Should this not be the first letter you’ve received of this kind, please feel free to reply and chide me for my distinct lack of originality.
I await their reply.