We love getting letters

So I read on the back of a crisp (potato chip) packet the other day that I could complain to Wakers Crisps if I wasn’t satisfied with their product (it was a Walkers crisp packet just so you know; it wasn’t Nik Naks trying to offload complaints to another company); I was satisfied, but I wanted to contact them anyway; all that department gets are complaints so I wanted to spread a little love. I looked on their website and read this:

We love getting letters, so why not write to us!?

UK
Consumer Services Department
Walkers Snack Foods
FREEPOST LE4 918
Leicester
LE4 5ZY

 

I was really looking for an email address, but none could be found; makes sense; it’s much easier to toss off a drunken abusive email from the comfort of your own bed rather than write an actual letter, get an envelope, address it and post it. This immediately came across to me as an open challenge. So I cut 65Β letters out of a Tesco magazine and hand-wrote the following piece:

 

Dear Walkers Consumer Services Department

Upon perusing your website I’ve discovered that you love getting letters; so in the spirit of spreading the love I’ve enclosed five dozen. I was planning to affix them to a sheet of paper, but I realised that this could be construed as a ransom note so thought better of it. I have no desire to demand anything from the Walkers corporation or their subsidiaries; ransom or otherwise. All I ask is that you enjoy the letters – I’m sure you will, since the internet does not lie – and that if you have the time, please reply to the above address with any sentences you’ve managed to make using said enclosed letters; there will be a prize for the best one.

Yours faithfully

Me

P.S. Should this not be the first letter you’ve received of this kind, please feel free to reply and chide me for my distinct lack of originality.

 

I await their reply.

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24 Comments Add yours

  1. Lucy Brazier says:

    GENIUS. Now, surely everyone should join in and the good people of Walkers can have lots of fun receiving dozens of lovely letters through the post!

    1. Well that’s the idea! Who working in a complaints department wouldn’t want that?! It’s up to you and the other two people who read this blog…and they live across the atlantic…it’s up to you, Lucy!!!!

      1. Lucy Brazier says:

        I have put a link on Twitter to this post, so you never know, some more people might join in! Obviously I’ll give it a go. I might send a mixture of letters and nude photos. Not of me, just random ones.

        1. Ooo you star! And I think they’d love the nudity; who wouldn’t? They could get a whole story together and cheer themselves up πŸ™‚

        2. Lucy Brazier says:

          Yeah! Imagine how boring it is reading complaints about crisps. This is really going to cheer them up!

        3. It’s the least we can do; I dread to think how many people have sent them back a crisp packet with a poo in it saying, “look what I’ve found in me monster munch!”

        4. Lucy Brazier says:

          Yes, poor things – I bet they get all sorts of jokers trying evil pranks to get free packets of crisps. Actually, I would go to great lengths to get free Monster Munch. Pickled onion flavour. Nice.

        5. I don’t know that they do any other flavour of Monster Munch…and why would you? if you’ve got a sure fire thing! you’d want the free crisps though, not the police turning up.

        6. Lucy Brazier says:

          They do a beef Monster Munch and a sort of red spicy one. But pickled onion is the absolute don of crisps. The police can turn up, as long as they have free crisps.

  2. Ice_Badger says:

    I love the idea of companies publishing the addresses of different companies as their complaints address!
    Then Hoover could get complaints about Dyson and Ford those for Toyota πŸ˜€ the idea of this amuses me greatly!

    That and the obviously brilliant idea of sending letters to people in letters

    1. Ha ha! Yes I did think of that, but thought it would be more amusing to send my next letter to walkers complaining about the failing electric windows in my ford fiesta! I don’t own a ford fiesta…

      1. Ice_Badger says:

        You should definitely do that.
        In a very official way πŸ™‚

        1. Then it shall be done! Just for you πŸ™‚

  3. So, they get to write their own love letter… in the form of a puzzle. All communications should be done this way.

    1. Shouldn’t they just! The letters I sent them were from the sentence, “hello, [comma not included, that’ll fox them] the calories in tea double in kindness and love with each passing second”…obvious I reckon.

  4. Also, here are some letters for Donald tRump: U K C F U O Y

        1. But it could also spell out, “fou? Yuck!” Fou being a particularly unsavoury dish.

        2. What about egg fou yung?

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