No More Youtube Videos Consisting of Blank Visuals!

 

Take that blog post title gurus – you know who you think you are. Ever since starting this blog – the second time around – I’ve wanted the soundcloud thing to be shown rather than have to piss about with youtube…now I have managed it. And as a special treat it’s read by me, Trenton Babbage, in a slightly dramatic voice yes, but I did that for dramatic purposes.

It’s a parody of Edgar Allan Poe’s poem The Raven. My words and glossary are below, and an outtake may be released at a later date.

Enjoy!

 

 

The Pigeon

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered palaeognathae,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of the Pigeon Lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`’Tis some visitor,’ I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door –
Only this, and nothing more.’

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate flying feral wrought its crap upon the floor.
Eager wished I Fat Shan Blue; vainly sought Romanian Gagiu
From books Denizli Bangosu – sorrow for the lost Lenore –
For the rare Anatolian Turbit whom the angels name Lenore –
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken Belgian Tumbler flying ‘gainst the English Tippler
Thrilled me – filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
`’Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door –
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; –
This it is, and nothing more,’

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Sir,’ said I, `or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is Mariola, and the gentle Galatz Roller,
Together with the Indian Gola, flew into my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you’ – here I opened wide the door; –
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, thought I saw an Eichbühl rearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, not e’en the twitch of operculum,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, `Lenore!’
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, `Lenore!’
Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, by my soul just like a Thurin-
-gian Mauser I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
‘Surely,’ said I, ‘surely that is a flock of weary Pappataccis;
Or off-course wandering Asiatic Crack Tumblers lost on an explore –
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; –
‘Tis the wind and nothing more!’

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately pigeon of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door –
Perched upon a bust of Nelson just above my chamber door –
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this greying bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
`Though thy motive be sedition, thou,’ I said, `art no religion.
Ghastly grim and ancient pigeon wandering from the nightly shore –
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night’s Plutonian shore!’
Quoth the pigeon, `Coooor.’

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning – little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door –
Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as `Coooor.’

But the pigeon, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only,
That one word, as if ’twere all Columbidae he did speak for.
Nothing further then he uttered – not a feather then he fluttered –
Till I scarcely more than muttered `Columba livia I’m sure-
On the morrow you will leave me, as my hopes have flown before.’
Then the bird said, `Coooor.’

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
`Doubtless,’ said I, `it has no brain ‘twixt nape and lore,
Caught from the unhappy fancier, father of Alonzo Ransier
Bullying the favoured Dolapci a gaol of songs one burden bore –
Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
Of “Never-coooor.”‘

But the pigeon still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore –
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking `Coooor.’

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
My ignorance as to even where was located the brevis Extensor;
This and more I sat divining; where would one find the rhamphotheca lining?
The proventriculus was whining; it hadn’t moved from where it was before,
Nares, alula, cloaca, scapular; they hadn’t moved from where they were before,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim Pigeon, its guano on the tufted floor.
`Wretch,’ I cried, `thy God hath lent thee – by these angels he has sent thee
Respite – respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost Lenore!’
Quoth the pigeon, `Coooor.’

`Prophet!’ said I, `thing of evil! – prophet still, if bird or devil! –
Whether magnetoception, or olfactory navigation tossed thee here ashore,
The Alsace Cropper is undaunted, the Scandaroon it lands enchanted –
On this home by horror haunted – tell me truly, I implore –
Is there – is there balm in Gilead? – tell me – tell me, I implore!’
Quoth the pigeon, `Coooor.’

`Prophet!’ said I, `thing of evil! – prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us – by that God we both adore –
By the Laced Bordench Mondain Catalonian, and the Velvet Shield Franconian,
It shall clasp turbit Anatolian whom the angels name Lenore –
Clasp a rare turbit Anatolian, whom the angels name Lenore?’
Quoth the pigeon, `Coooor.’

`Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!’ I shrieked upstarting –
`Get thee back into the tempest and the Night’s Plutonian shore!
Leave no grey plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! – quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!’
Quoth the pigeon, `Coooor.’

And the pigeon, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Nelson just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon’s that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o’er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted – nevermore!

Glossary:

Pigeon species:-

Feral Pigeon
Fat Shan Blue
Romanian Gagiu
Denizli Bangosu
Anatolian Turbit
Belgian Tumbler
English Tippler
Mariola
Galatz Roller
Indian Gola
Eichbühl
Thuringian Mauser Pigeon
Pappatacci
Asiatic Crack Tumbler
Dolapci
Seraphim Pigeon
Alsace Cropper
Scandaroon
Laced Bordench Mondain Catalonian
Velvet Shield Franconian

Pigeon physiology:-

lore – the region between the eyes and nostrils of birds, reptiles, and amphibians.
nare – nostril
operculum – a structure which covers the nares of some birds
nape – the back of the neck
Extensor brevis – a wing muscle
rhamphotheca – the outer surface of the beak consisting of a thin horny sheath of keratin
preventriculus – a glandular part of the stomach
alula – a small projection on the anterior edge of the wing
cloaca – the terminal chamber of the gastrointestinal and urogenital systems
scapular – the shoulder blade

Pigeon classifications:-

Palaeognathae – one of the two living clades of birds
Columbidae – the bird clade constituting pigeons and doves
Columba livia – taxonomic term for the Feral Pigeon

Methods of Navigation:-

magnetoception – using the Earth’s magnetic field
olfactory – smell

I replaced the Pallas bust with one of Nelson in reference to Nelson’s Column in Trafalgar Square, London; a haven for pigeons.

I am not a pigeon fancier, but I have eaten one…a pigeon that is; not a fancier.

Advertisements

80 Comments Add yours

  1. WilderSoul says:

    Oh no! Stop! I can’t stop laughing and I only heard the first two words..! “The pigeon…” Ok… I have calmed myself… ready to listen to it all… 🙂

    1. I haven’t got a computer with sound…I can’t really remember it!

      1. WilderSoul says:

        Can I package some speakers and send them by airmail? It is well worth hearing!

        1. Please don’t trouble yourself; in three days I’ll have the capabilities!

        1. They look lovely; I especially like the prospect of ‘ultimate mobility’!

  2. Wow you figured it out impressive. I love it, are you showcasing it?!

    1. It was you who made me try again…and this is the one I sent you…

      1. Oh Yay! So glad you tried again!

  3. WilderSoul says:

    Faaantastic! What a magnificent voice you command!
    I love the “Cooooooor.”

    1. The outtake is me laughing at my first “Coooooooor.”

      1. WilderSoul says:

        Where is the outtake? Gotta hear that laugh…! 🙂

        1. It’s not been released yet; and it’s no wildesoul laugh!

        2. WilderSoul says:

          I imagine it would be quite dissimilar to my hysterical cackle…!

  4. Trent Lewin says:

    That is easily the funniest, most entertaining thing I have heard in many an age. The pigeon cooing… that set me over the edge. Thank you for this. After an impossibly long day at work, I am happy to be reminded that there are talented people with humour out there. And pretty cool voices too.

    1. Well I’m really happy that I could help; I haven’t had one of ‘those’ work days for a while but I remember them clearly. The cooing got me too; it was that that started the whole idea; I cooed for two seconds and chuckled; the laughter grew in proportion to the time it took to do…thank fuck!

      1. Trent Lewin says:

        Crike, that was priceless, it really was. Still chuckling about it this morning.

  5. umm… I am fairly sure that Poe is rolling over in his grave… laughing… Once again I am struck by the obvious fact that you are so much smarter than me that I can in no way explain your interest in my feeble attempts at either being clever or attempting to be funny. You, sir, are a genius, and why you aren’t the king of WoprdPress will never fail to baffle me. I have never wanted to meet you face to face more than I do at this moment.
    I wish American schools would allow us to reach this level of writing skill.

    1. Oh stop it! You’re too much! And you do yourself a disservice. And feel free to introduce ‘The Pigeon’ into American schools…as a serious attempt at writing of course.

      1. I never took it as anything else… but I doubt anybody who shows up on my blog is smart enough to appreciate it.

        1. You never know till you try these things…that was a subtle hint at a reblog by the way…and in all fairness to american schools; I didn’t learn to write like this from an english one.

        2. I will do it. Tonight or tomorrow. You went to alien school, didn’t you…?

        3. Ah ha! That might very well be it…I remember seeing your name on the “Least Likely to Become a Silly Human When Sent to Earth for Critical Research Purposes” plaque…you were an inspiration to us all!

        4. I honestly never thought I would get to like these people at all. When is the next reunion, by the way?

        5. The new drugs should be in soon, so we’ll get together at the usual in between.

        6. I look forward to it.

  6. WilderSoul says:

    Uncle Trenton… may I please have your email address? Please?
    Please could you send me your email address? I promise I will send it right back when I’ve finished with it! Pretty please?

    1. Well absolutely of course; it’s trentonbabbage@gmail.com…use it wisely…

      1. WilderSoul says:

        Sparingly? 😉
        One email coming up…

        1. Feel free to bombard to your heart’s content!

        2. WilderSoul says:

          Bomb-bard singing its way to you as we speak. La la la BOOM!

  7. Reblogged this on Pouring My Art Out and commented:
    I am reblogging this because it is that good… and you need to hear it… and because it is so far above the level of anything that I could ever do…

  8. Ha, it’s been years since I’ve read those words, thanks

    1. I only wrote it a little while ago…ah, you mean Poe’s don’t you?

        1. My hope is that whenever you read/hear it again, you will think……The Pigeon!!!

        2. There we go, The Pigeon it is!

  9. Linda Vernon says:

    Trenton! This is hilarious!! I’m reblogging it too!

    1. Thank you so much! It’ll be interesting to see what your lot think of it…and yours is still rattling around in my brain.

      1. Linda Vernon says:

        I’m going to feature it again on my blog — more prominently on my blog Trenton. I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed it! I’ll see if there’s a way I can put it in my sidebar so it will stay on all week.

        1. Well that’s very kind of you; it does seem to be in danger of becoming popular!

        2. Linda Vernon says:

          And it should!! It was truly a masterpiece, Trenton!

  10. Ned says:

    Hahaha this is deadly cheers for the laugh!

    1. You’re welcome; just don’t kill too many people with it.

      1. Ned says:

        🙂 in Ireland we use the word deadly to mean awesome or brilliant

        1. I kinda guessed…you crazy Irish…you’ll have to give me your opinion on the post I did with the Irish guy in it – it’s not offensive or anything, well…it has one swear word in it – https://pmaoaudioblog.wordpress.com/2013/10/10/a-short-interlude-co-henry-liza/

        2. Ned says:

          hahaha class it reminds me of a classic tv show in Ireland called Father Ted about three catholic priests on a small island and their housekeeper oh the craic is mighty

        3. High praise indeed! I know of Father Ted, but never watched it; big fan of Linehan’s stuff though.

  11. WilderSoul says:

    The Friday Fictioneers photo prompt reminds me of the bust of Nelson – sans pigeon! http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2013/11/06/8-november-2013/

    1. Ha, so it does! I used to do friday fictioneers…then I got bored.

      1. WilderSoul says:

        I did it once… does that mean I am easily bored? 😉

        1. It means you when you’re faced with a creative dead-end…not that I’m judging…

  12. Reblogged this on Trenton Babbage Enterprises and commented:

    Three years old this is…oh I was so young and reckless…it is long though, but I think worth it; go on, give it a go…

  13. I remember this… a work of word-art!!!

    1. It’s the pigeon post…that first pigeon noise still cracks me up! Pig post still in the writing stage…

      1. I am waiting for the bacon course…

        1. There’s bacon in every course…

        2. yes, as flavoring, garnish, side dish and ingredient… that isn’t the same thing

        3. Tell that to the food classification board damn them!!!!!!!

        4. I will send them a bacon scented missive chastising them royally!

        5. I knew I could count on your support! They won’t get away with this…

        6. We will coat them liberally with grease and them hoist them by their own petards! Or at least give them a right proper porking!

        7. And a grilling…and a roasting…and I also thought a delectable fricasseeing…

        8. I can fricassee clearly now, the rain is gone…

        9. …ooo000ooo… seriously… never cook in the rain…

  14. PorterGirl says:

    Bloody marvellous. What an absolutely super voice you have!

    1. Ha! But is that my voice? or do I sound like Hatchet Carmichael?

      1. PorterGirl says:

        I don’t know who that is… Either way, tis pleasing on the ear.

        1. PorterGirl says:

          Of course! How could I forget Hatchet! Well, he also has a way with words 🙂

        2. Lots of people forget him…he kinda melds into the background…

Would you like to buy something?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s